back again

So last night went really well. The break has done me good.

I spent last Sunday at the workshop with Rachel, and it gave me a few new ideas about preparing for the performance. I was pretty nervous about going on. An uncertain kind of nervous. And because of feeling so strange at the moment (only a few hours before I’d been at the doctor trying to work out why i’ve been feeling so dizzy for the last few weeks) I think I felt even worse. I used a few of the arm twirling things which seemed to work.
Funny thing though, the crowd really liked it, when I didn’t feel like I was giving my best performance. I felt like I was a bit too relaxed. But maybe that’s because I feel better with it. And certainly I did feel like I found the rhythm of the introduction. Chopped off the end, so I ended on a high. Which makes it even shorter than it was, but short and funny is better than long and not so.

So now, I’ve got to spend this afternoon working, and pretending that I can concentrate rather than having all my attention consumed by tonight’s performance.

PS One strange thing, at around 12 o’clock in the serious human rights workshop I was at a few Saturdays ago, my heart started to thump, my breath went short and my stomach lurched. And over lunch, I said to James ‘you know, I think I’ve got so in the rhythm of my Saturday nights that I’ve gone into performance mode without even meaning to’. And he said ‘I’m glad you said that, because I looked over at you and thought ‘she’s gone to a different place I wonder what’s happened”. So that’s weird, isn’t it?

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